How to Write an Obituary

When you sit down to write an obituary, you are usually tired, grieving, and balancing phone calls with family members. A funeral director or newspaper editor may also be asking for a finished draft within twenty-four hours.

Take a breath. You do not need to write a literary masterpiece, and you do not need to summarize eighty years of living in four hundred words. An obituary has two main jobs: to notify the community that someone has died, and to give those who cared about them a clear, respectful summary of who they were and where they will be remembered.

This guide breaks the task into manageable steps so you can finish the draft cleanly and accurately.

Step 1: Gather the essential facts

Before you start writing sentences, pull together the core information on a single notepad or document. Trying to write while texting relatives for middle names or maiden names will slow you down and cause errors.

Gather these basics first:

• Full legal name, including maiden name or common nickname in quotation marks
• Age at death
• Date and city of death
• Year and place of birth (note: some families omit the exact birth date and mother's maiden name to prevent identity theft)
• Parents' names (and whether they are living or deceased)
• Spouse or long-term partner's name, along with their wedding date or years together
• Places lived, schools attended, degrees earned, or military service branches and ranks
• Career milestones, notable employers, or union memberships
• Key volunteer posts, civic groups, places of worship, or long-standing hobbies
• Names of surviving family members and immediate family members who died before them
• Service, visitation, or memorial details (date, time, location, officiant)
• Memorial donation requests or flower preferences

Double-check the spelling of every town, school, and relative's name before you begin drafting. Names are the most common source of corrections in printed obituaries.

Step 2: Use the standard five-part structure

Most obituaries follow a proven sequence. Sticking to this template keeps your writing organized and ensures you do not accidentally skip critical logistical details.

1. The announcement

Open with the person's name, age, city of residence, and the date they died. You can include the location of death (such as "at home in Des Moines" or "at Mercy Hospital") and, if the family wishes, the general cause of death.

2. Early life and background

Cover where they were born, who raised them, where they grew up, and their education. This section usually takes just two or three sentences.

3. Career, military service, and passions

Summarize what occupied their days: their work, military service, civic commitments, and the hobbies they returned to year after year. Focus on what brought them joy or defined their routines rather than listing every job title on their resume.

4. Family members (survived by and preceded in death by)

List immediate family members according to standard etiquette, starting with the closest surviving relationships and moving outward.

5. Service information and memorial gifts

Provide exact dates, days of the week, times, and venue names for all public gatherings. End with instructions on where friends can send flowers or make charitable contributions.

Step 3: Handle the family list with care

The list of family members is often the most sensitive part of an obituary. Mistakes or omissions here can cause hurt feelings during an already painful week. Following standard obituary etiquette will help you navigate this section smoothly.

Who goes under "preceded in death by"

People who died before the deceased are traditionally listed first or placed in a dedicated sentence just before the survivors. Common order includes:

• Parents
• Spouses or domestic partners
• Siblings
• Children

For example: "He was preceded in death by his parents, Arthur and Evelyn Vance; his wife of forty years, Martha Vance; and his brother, Thomas Vance."

Who goes under "survived by"

Surviving relatives generally follow this order:

• Spouse or domestic partner
• Children and their spouses or partners (grouped as couples: "David and his wife Sarah")
• Grandchildren and great-grandchildren (you can list individual names or state the count: "six grandchildren and two great-grandchildren")
• Siblings and their spouses
• Nieces, nephews, cousins, or close lifelong friends, if space permits

Modern family structures

Families rarely fit into narrow historical boxes today. Here is how to handle modern relationships with grace:

• Stepchildren and blended families: Treat stepchildren and adopted children equally with biological children unless the deceased explicitly wished otherwise or the family agreed on a different phrasing. Listing "his children, Mark, Brian, and stepdaughter Elena" or simply "his children, Mark, Brian, and Elena" are both widely accepted.
• Partners and companions: If the person had an unmarried partner, name them clearly alongside spouses: "her companion of twelve years, Robert Morris."
• Ex-spouses: If the divorce was amicable and the ex-spouse remained an active part of family life (especially when raising children together), they can be included: "her former husband and close friend, James Hall." If the relationship was distant or bitter, it is customary to omit them.
• In-laws: Spouses of children are traditionally enclosed in parentheses or joined with "and": "her daughter, Claire (Marcus) Bennett" or "her daughter Claire and her husband Marcus."

Step 4: Capture their character in simple details

The difference between a dry resume and a moving tribute usually comes down to three or four specific sentences. You do not need grand adjectives. Specific habits, quirks, and everyday loyalties tell a much clearer story than generic praise.

Instead of writing "She was a loving grandmother who enjoyed cooking," try: "She hosted Sunday dinner for three decades, never letting anyone leave without a foil-wrapped plate of lemon bars and a gallon of sweet tea."

Instead of writing "He was an avid outdoorsman," try: "He spent October weekends in a duck blind near Lake City and kept a tackle box in the trunk of his car just in case he passed an open pond."

Ask yourself a few grounding questions:

• What did their hands usually look like? Covered in engine grease, flour, garden soil, or ink?
• What was their favorite running joke or catchphrase?
• Where did they spend Saturday mornings?
• What did they collect or stubbornly refuse to throw away?

Select two or three concrete details. That is plenty to spark recognition and warmth in anyone who reads it.

Step 5: Format service details for absolute clarity

When readers open an obituary, many are looking for one thing: where to be and when. Ambiguous service information leads to frantic phone calls to the funeral home or family members on the morning of the service.

Always include:

• The day of the week and full date (for example: "Saturday, November 16, 2024", not just "Saturday")
• The starting time and whether doors or visitation begin earlier
• The complete name of the church, chapel, or venue
• The street address and city, especially if there are multiple churches or funeral home branches with similar names
• Burial details, noting whether the graveside service is public or private
• Reception details, if open to guests

If services are private, state that directly: "Private family services will be held at a later date." This lets friends know they have not missed an announcement.

If the family prefers charitable donations over flowers, write: "In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made to the Oak Creek Public Library Foundation or the St. Jude Children's Research Hospital."

Understanding length, print costs, and digital options

Before you write a thousand words, find out where the obituary will be published and what the newspaper charges.

Printed newspapers

Local newspapers typically charge by the line, by the column inch, or by word count. Rates vary widely:

• Small community weeklies often charge a modest flat fee or a low per-line rate for a standard notice.
• Large metro daily newspapers charge significantly more, especially for longer tributes, weekend editions, or notices that include a photograph.
• Many papers also charge a separate fee to include a photo.

If you are on a tight budget, write two versions. Prepare a concise 100 to 150-word paid notice for the local print paper containing only the core life dates, immediate survivors, and service times. Then prepare a longer, unrestricted tribute for the funeral home website or an online memorial page.

Funeral home websites and digital memorials

Almost every modern funeral home includes an online obituary on their website at no additional cost as part of their service package. These digital notices usually have no word limit and allow multiple color photographs. You can write more leisurely about their life history and personal stories in this format.

Common mistakes to avoid

When working quickly under stress, it is easy to let small errors slip through. Watch out for these frequent missteps.

1. Oversharing private security details

Obituaries are public records. Scammers and identity thieves review them regularly. Do not include the deceased person's exact street address, mother's maiden name (if used as a banking security answer), or their exact date of birth alongside their full birthplace if you can avoid it. You can write "passed away at age 74" rather than listing month, day, and year of birth.

2. Announcing an empty house

If the obituary states that the entire family will be attending a service at Grace Baptist Church on Friday from 10:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m., it inadvertently advertises when the family home will be unoccupied. Ask a trusted neighbor or friend to stay at the house during the funeral hours.

3. Relying on one pair of eyes

Grief clouds attention to detail. Always send your draft to at least two family members before submitting it. Ask them specifically to check:

• Names of children, grandchildren, and in-laws
• Spelling of cities and employers
• Day, date, and venue address for the service

Complete worked examples

Here are two realistic fictional examples showing how to format both a short newspaper notice and a complete memorial tribute.

Example 1: Short newspaper notice (125 words)

Irene M. Novak, 82, of Oakridge, passed away peacefully on Tuesday, October 8.

Born in Millbrook to George and Helen Novak, Irene worked for thirty-one years as an administrative clerk for the county health department. She was a dedicated volunteer with the local humane society and an active member of St. Mark Parish.

Irene was preceded in death by her husband of fifty-two years, Joseph Novak. She is survived by her children, Paul (Nancy) Novak and Andrea Novak; three grandchildren, Matthew, Rachel, and Lucas; and her sister, Carolyn Shaw.

A Funeral Mass will be celebrated Monday, October 14, at 11:00 a.m. at St. Mark Catholic Church, in Oakridge. Burial will follow at Riverside Cemetery. Memorial donations may be made to the Oakridge Humane Society.

Example 2: Full tribute for an online memorial (280 words)

Ronald "Ronnie" Dale Alder, 71, of Pinecrest, died on Saturday, November 2, at his home following a brief illness.

Born in 1953 in Clearwater to Dale and Wanda Alder, Ron graduated from Valley High School in 1971 and spent forty-four years working as a commercial pipefitter. He took quiet pride in his craft, mentoring dozens of apprentices over four decades.

Away from the job, Ron was happiest under the hood of an old truck or coaching Little League at Community Park. He possessed an encyclopedic memory for high school football scores, brewed exceptionally strong coffee at five in the morning, and never passed a stranded driver without pulling over to offer a wrench or a jack.

He was preceded in death by his parents and his younger brother, Wayne Alder.

Ron is survived by his wife of forty-six years, Debra Alder; his children, Clint Alder and his wife Amber, and Laura Higgins and her husband Brian; four grandchildren, Caleb, Hannah, Wyatt, and Nora; his sister, Brenda (Ken) Foster; and his faithful yellow Labrador, Boomer.

A visitation will be held Thursday, November 7, from 5:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. at Oakridge Funeral Home, in Pinecrest. Funeral services will take place Friday, November 8, at 10:00 a.m. at Grace Community Church, followed by burial at Meadowbrook Memorial Park.

In lieu of flowers, the family requests memorial gifts be sent to the Pinecrest Regional Rehabilitation Center.

Quick checklist before you submit

Run through this final check before sending your text to the funeral director or publication desk:

• Is the full legal name spelled correctly, along with any common nickname?
• Are the date of death and city of residence verified?
• Are all living children, stepchildren, and siblings accounted for?
• Are deceased immediate family members listed under "preceded in death"?
• Did you include both the day of the week and the calendar date for the service?
• Is the physical address of the church, funeral home, or cemetery listed?
• Did you specify the recipient charity for memorial gifts?
• Have two separate family members read the draft and approved it?
• Did you confirm the newspaper's submission deadline and cost estimate?

Common questions

Do I have to include the cause of death?

No. You have no legal or journalistic obligation to state how the person died. Phrases like "passed away peacefully," "died unexpectedly," or simply "passed away on Tuesday" are completely acceptable. If the family wants to honor a specific health battle or draw awareness to mental illness or addiction, you can name the cause openly, but the choice belongs entirely to the next of kin.

Who submits the obituary to the newspaper?

In most cases, the funeral home submits the text on your behalf. Newspapers frequently require death verification directly from a licensed funeral home, cremation society, or medical examiner before they will publish an obituary to prevent false notices. You can still write the text yourself; simply provide the finished draft to your funeral director, who will handle the submission and add the newspaper charges to your master bill.

How do we handle estranged family members?

There is no legal requirement to list every blood relative. If mentioning an estranged child or sibling would cause significant pain or misrepresent the deceased person's reality, you can omit them or use a general collective phrase such as "and an extended family of nieces, nephews, and siblings." However, consider whether leaving someone out will spark long-term family conflict before making a final decision.

When should an obituary be published?

Aim to publish at least two to three days before public services take place so relatives and community members have time to arrange travel and adjust their work schedules. If services are strictly private or being held weeks later, there is less urgency, and you can submit the announcement whenever the family is ready.

What if we spot a mistake after it is printed?

If an error appears in an online edition, the funeral home or newspaper website can usually update the text within an hour or two. If an error appears in a physical newspaper, contact the publication's obituary desk immediately. Most papers will run a corrected notice in the following day's print edition at a discounted rate or for free if the error occurred on their end.